Time and Time Again
by Horus.Potter
Summary: Ron and Harry have been close in their life; closer than any one else knows. With Ron's wedding to Hermione looming Harry has decided to break things off once and for all... but can he? A trip down memory lane causes Harry to wonder what he truly wants.


**AN: I do not own anything hereinafter including but not limited to Harry Potter and said universe. RW/HP (with canon pairings) **

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**Time and Time Again: **

Harry sat on Ron and Hermione's bed, inhaling the scent of his best friends. He couldn't do this anymore. He wanted to, God how he wanted to, but he knew it was wrong. Their escapades always seemed to make sense though. To give them up… Harry sighed, resting against the pillow he knew to belong to Ron and imagine Ron was there. Harry really didn't want to have this conversation but he knew it had to be done before things got out of hand. They were already out of hand.

Harry thought back to the first time he and Ron expressed any interest in each other….

It was fourth year, the relief was paramount. Ron and Harry were alone in the dorm room, wanting to get away from the victory party going on down in the common room.

"I can't believe you took that riddle seriously." Ron joked, slipping a sweater over his head.

"Well you didn't see you down in that water." Harry said, feeling a chill, "I've never been so scared in my life."

"Aw Harry, I'm only teasing." Ron put his arm around Harry comfortingly for a moment and then seemed to remember himself and backed away.

Harry seemed to notice this sudden movement but didn't comment on it. Instead he continued to stand at the foot of his bed and said, "Well, it's over now and at least the judges took my thick-headedness as nobility." Harry laughed.

Ron chuckled too but stopped almost as fast, "I am curious though Harry… why am I the thing you'll miss most?"

Ron was blushing slightly as he asked the question and looked anywhere but at Harry. Harry was blushing too but avoided looking up from the floor.

"Well, I guess 'cause I've never had a best friend before. I mean, you're my best friend. And, er, that's important to me."

"Yea, me too."

Harry chanced a glance at Ron, standing inches away and was drawn to him. He could feel himself wanting to inch closer, and closer. Suddenly their lips were touching. Nothing more than skin to skin before they both jumped apart as though scorched.

"Umm…"

"Yea…"

"Goodnight."

"Night!"

They got into their separate beds and in the morning neither spoke of what had happened.

Harry got up from the bed that Hermione shared with Ron and walked to the dresser where a picture of the trio was resting. The picture had been taken during the post war celebrations a few years ago. The three were laughing and smiling in the photograph. Harry felt he should leave the room, but he was waiting for Ron, they had to end this.

Harry only hoped Ron understood. He saw another framed photo, a list of names with the heading 'Dumbledore's Army' and was reminded of fifth year with a humorless laugh. The anger, the tension…

Harry was screaming, as usual, at Ron about things that were not Ron's fault or within his control at all. And Ron – who was a generally even headed guy – retaliated. The shouting escalated, Harry wasn't even sure why they were truly arguing any more. He just knew that Ron's fire and passion were agents to fuel the buried fire in his own body.

Mid shout Harry was lunging at Ron, their lips collided in a frenzy. Their bodies clawing at one another desperate for something carnal; Harry shoved Ron to the bed and straddled his legs, their shirts discarded before they came out of their lust filled haze and realized they were devouring their best friend.

"Ron I –" Harry began but didn't know how to explain.

"Yea. Umm…"

Harry could feel Ron's quickened heart rate, could feel his body physically reacting to their moment of lust. But Harry knew if this were to continue something vital would happen and with all the shit in his life he knew he wasn't ready for that. So instead he untangled himself from Ron and went to the Room of Requirement alone. When he came back hours later a silent agreement had been reached, that they would lock these actions away with the kiss from fourth year.

Harry's memories were on an unmanned train at this point and he had little control of his thoughts as he sat down on the bed once more and the images of sixth year came rushing into his head…

The way it started was so dumb; up in Ron's room on Christmas night. Harry was furious about Scrimgeour, Ron was deciding if he had the strength to break up with Lavender.

"I'm just so frustrated!" Harry said. "Malfoy and Scrimgeour and I just can't!" Harry said, stopping his pacing to slam onto the bed next to Ron.

"Just ignore him mate. The ministry's barking. You're better off just ignoring them. You've always got me and 'mione anyway."

"I don't know what I would do without you two." Harry admitted.

Ron leaned forward, second guessing himself for only a moment before placing his lips to Harry's. Harry pulled away quickly.

"Lavender?" he questioned.

Ron ignored him, pulling him in again for a kiss. This time Harry responded, holding Ron's face gently within the cup of his hands, exploring his mouth slowly with his tongue. Ron pushed Harry gently to lay flat on the small bed and straddled him using his larger body to keep Harry pinned down. Harry moaned audibly into their kiss as Ron's lower body rubbed against his own. Ron found this noise enticing and wanted to experience it again. His hands became more adventurous, roaming down Harry's body, pushing at the hem of his shirt, feeling his small frame. Harry's hands didn't remain idle either, holding Ron's hips before moving up his side, his arms, feeling the way Ron's muscles tensed at his touch. Harry was very much enjoying the new sensations of Ron's taste, touch, smell.

Ron was unbuckling Harry's pants, feeling his way into the younger boys jeans. Harry let out a long gasp as Ron gripped Harry's aching need. Ron suckled on Harry's neck, feeling Harry's pulse quicken. Harry's hips bucked toward Ron, half primal want for release, half a subconscious desire to be closer to Ron, to be connected.

Ron's lips were upon Harry's again, he was so close to release, when a knock on the door startled them both to their senses.

Ron leapt from the bed to the door in one bound and opened it barely a crack as Harry fastened his pants and fixed his glasses.

"Mum needs you." Ginny said.

"For what?" Ron asked, attempting to sound normal and not lust filled and frustrated.

"I don't know. She just said 'get Ron'."

Ron followed his sister without glancing back at the very confused Harry. By the time Ron returned from his Mrs. Weasley task it had been long enough that Harry could feign sleeping; leaving behind another event to lock up with undisclosed feelings.

But the problem with locking things away is there's always a key somewhere, waiting to unleash Pandora's box and spill every dirty little secret onto the table. You can't hide from things forever, no matter how good at it you get. Harry's thoughts went now to the only time when they acknowledged their romantic escapades and _finally _brought their feelings into the open…

The war was won. Harry had slept for hours in his four poster bed in Gryffindor tower and Ron snoring lightly in the bed adjacent to his. It could be any normal school day, but of course, it wasn't. It was the day after the final battle against Voldemort. He was exhausted despite his hours of sleep. But at the same time he was geared up, ready to move on, to rebuild. All of the mixed emotions had him fidgeting. He had to make sure it was really over; he had to be thankful that those who were alive were alive, and not dwell on the dead.

Ron had stopped snoring and Harry knew that that just meant he had rolled over and was breathing properly but he panicked. Ron not breathing was all his mind could focus on. He ran to Ron's bed, shaking the red head almost violently.

"What! What is it!" Ron sat up, wand at the ready, eyes full of sleep.

"I'm sorry Ron." Harry said with a shaky sigh. "I… you weren't breathing. I mean, you obviously were I just…" he tried to laugh it off but felt himself crumbling. "I'm sorry I just…"

Ron looked at his best friend, his brave, heroic and shattered best friend. "It's okay Harry." He enveloped Harry in a hug, kissing the top of his head, "It's okay. You won. It's over." He took a deep breath as though steeling himself for his next sentence. "Voldemort is dead Harry. You've done it."

"But… so many people." Harry choked on his sentence. He didn't need to remind Ron of the deaths of Fred, Lupin, Tonks, Snape, Lavender, countless others. Ron knew all too well the horror of this battle.

Ron didn't seem to know what to say either as he held Harry close; both of them crying for their loved ones and the stress and relief.

"I love you Ron." Harry admitted in a whisper of tears.

"I love you Harry."

They held each other until the sun had properly risen and Harry was the first to disentangle himself from Ron.

"Thank you." He said, wiping at his eyes in a fruitless effort to dry his face.

Ron pulled Harry in for another hug rather than answer. He kissed him on the head. Then the temple. Then sweetly on the lips.

"You know, someday we'll have to talk about this." Harry said, not wanting to ruin the sweetness of the moment but not being able to stop himself either.

"Shall it be now then?" Ron asked. "No time like the present right?"

Harry managed a smirk. "I just… what is this Ron? We've had these moments littered throughout the past few years and I just… we both pursue other people, we never talk about them… what does it mean?"

"I don't know Harry. I love you." He said helplessly with a shrug that was almost apologetic.

Harry smiled sadly, "Why do I feel like that won't be enough?"

"We don't have to figure it out today Harry. There are a lot of things we have to do now." Harry knew that by things Ron meant bury their loved ones and rebuild their ministry.

"You're right. At least we have these moments." Harry said.

"Yea."

They had found Hermione shortly after and their lives continued on.

But now it was the eve of Ron and Hermione's wedding and Harry couldn't help but feel cheated in some way. Sure Ron and he had never made anything official and aside from a few fiery escapades now and then they had kept their relationship mostly platonic for almost five years. It never felt guilty when they slipped up – even though they were cheating on their partners. It always just felt natural and okay. Maybe it was because neither of them ever talked about it; or because it was just what they'd always done since that kiss in their fourth year, but it always just seemed to be something they did. Like watching Quidditch, or hiking, making out, having sex, it was fine because it was them.

"Harry?" Harry stood up quickly to look at Ron's confused expression. "What are you doing mate?" Ron closed the door, with slow deliberation so as to make little noise.

"I…" Harry looked at Ron and knew that no matter what he had come here to do he couldn't. Harry was selfish and needed Ron too much. He'd always needed Ron.

Ron walked across the room to Harry and enveloped him in his arms. "What's wrong?" he whispered.

"I came here to tell you that we can't do _this _anymore. Whatever this is; these trysts, rendezvous."

Ron sighed heavily, holding Harry tighter. "I love you." The words were a plea of desperation.

Harry pulled away from the tender embrace to look into Ron's eyes. "But I can't say it and mean it." Harry continued. "I love you. I need these and I am too selfish to give you up."

Ron placed his lips softly to Harry's. Harry responded to the sweet kiss, his hands clutching desperately at Ron's shirt. The kiss heated up quickly, mouths moving, limbs entangling. Harry was on his back on the soft down comforter atop the queen sized mattress of his best friends' bed. Ron was pulling at his clothes; Harry's hands were not shy to Ron's developed body.

No matter how many times Harry had Ron he never ceased to be impressed by Ron's strong body, talented hands, and sinful tongue. Feeling Ron inside him, moving in rhythm, their bodies pressed close, sweating, feeling, and needing; it was more significant than any magic Harry had learnt.

As they cuddled exhausted in their post coital bliss Ron broached the previous topic once again; knowing their collective conscious wouldn't be cleared until they did.

"I can't give them up either." Ron acknowledged, his hand dancing lazy designs along Harry's arm.

"But what about Hermione and Ginny?"

They both knew the answer to that question but neither wanted to be the asshole who said it out loud.

"It's the weirdest feeling to be in love with two people." Ron said after a beat.

"I don't know how to handle it." Harry admitted.

They lay silently in each other's arms.

"Here's what's going to happen, we're going to get married to the girls we love, have babies, raise families – "

"And forget each other." Harry stated with a resigned sigh.

"No. And you and I, this relationship, will just continue as it always has. It's been happening since we were teens Harry, we can't just forget it."

"Ron, we're filthy cheaters." Harry said, covering his face with his hands in frustration.

"No. Well, by definition technically. But it's not a love affair with the shop keeper is it? This is love and it's real. And that's just how it is."

Harry scoffed, clearly unmoved.

"Harry, we've been cheating for yeas if you want to look at it that way. So we might as well keep doing it."

Harry leaned up on his side and looked down at Ron.

"If Hermione and Ginny find out…"

"They'll probably understand to be honest."

Harry sighed, collapsing back onto the bed.

"So we'll always just be this?" Harry asked.

"I can't explain it Harry, how much I love Hermione. I feel empty when she's not near me. But I love you so much Harry. Every time I'm with you it feels so perfect. You make me a better person. I'm in love with you both."

"I love you Ron. I understand. When I think of leaving Ginny my heart collapses and my hands tingle, I can't breathe. Panic fills me. But I need you too. I can't explain it properly. You're like half of me that I need always." Harry paused for a shaky breath and a trembling sigh, "I guess we'll just have to keep up this way."

Ron gently moved Harry's shaggy bangs from his eyes.

"We'll be okay." Ron assured him.

Harry sighed, closing his eyes at Ron's touch. "I know."

(((0)))

AN: This ending was really hard for me. I hope it wasn't awful. Thanks for reading !


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